Theophilus Mog – Chapter Seven

Not much has ever been written on the secret lives of goats. This is because they don’t have any. For if they did, Theophilus Mog would surely have been part of it during her brief stint as one.

She was born to two small, poor goats in a small, poor goat neighbourhood. She was at her mother’s side for as long as she possibly could be before her owner pulled her away and sold her to a petting zoo. There she gained her first fans, as many young children loved her cheerful nature and her unfocused eyes. Much later, when she became famous, these same loyal fans would curse her for selling out and losing touch with her roots. After which, they logged off and went back to their sad little lives.

From petting zoo, she started getting small roles in various nativity scenes that happened throughout the city. At first, she was placed at the back but soon people started seeing her real worth and she was firmly placed as Goat Number One. She became a household name among carolers and people in the Christmas industry. You could just tell she was destined for big things.

The big break happened in the year 1993. A movie offer from a huge director. This was a huge opportunity. There was not much screen time and no dialogue but her character made a huge impact psychologically, to both the characters in the story and the audience. She grabbed it with both hooves. It was a nerve-wracking experience to be on the set with so many big names. Luckily, her scene went off perfectly. It was widely reported that no one had ever been eaten by a T-Rex with such panache before. Spielberg personally congratulated her on her performance.

She still ended up as mutton biriyani a few years later though.